PUDDNHEAD

It was really cramped and he creepily insisted that the cute German girls sit on the laps of us feral guys.

For instance I still look back with reverence on the first blowjob I ever received.

I was pretty embarrassed about whipping my dick out on the deck.

There's nothing quite so awkward as watching satanic porn with a missionary.

The hotel and weekend were fairly perfect in most respects.

Extortion is so widespread that even tiny tortilla shops have shotgun-wielding security guards.

She was more fluent in Snapchat, I in puns. Via this medium I convinced her to come travel Guatemala with me.

I figured it was nice of him to not charge us anything and also not call the police or what have you.

Please label your food. Unlabeled items will become everybody's property and moved to the COMMUNIST SHELF.

Sometimes you go with the best available information, and you end up getting it horribly wrong.

The first big shocker was the baby.

I had no idea what the plan was. I was hanging off the side of a bobcat driving up a mountain with two Mexican guys.

I slipped off into a troubled sleep and hoped to wake up somewhere prettier.

You want to have bad health and a bad life?

I think that workers in a similar situation, they just have to understand that the courts aren't going to help them at all.

Lesson learned #1 - never book more than 3 nights at a hostel, even if you're planning on staying a month.

Try to picture James Bond or Katniss Everdeen in life jackets on a boat with 20 fat tourists. It's difficult to imagine.

We had a good light-hearted chat about bed bugs, dogs, and monkeys.

The bloodthirsty fuckers were at least that tactful.

Reggaeton (esp. Despacito) is universal here, but apparently all the cool kids are into 1980s British post-punk. Go fuckin figure.