All-Inclusive

Cancún, Mexico

I had told my friend Nick I'd be in the Yucatan peninsula in the beginning of August. He'd never been to Cancún, and that seemed like a good enough reason to go there. So without doing any research we booked a hostel in Cancún.

Cancún, it turned it out, was a resort town. Unlike Playa Del Carmen, which featured a long strip full of bars and cafés, the strip in Cancún was full of hotels. Sandwiched in between these all-inclusive resorts was our hostel and a tiny bar called the Surfing Donkey. The Surfing Donkey sold burritos and had a prominently displayed and autographed photo of Guy Fieri, who had apparently eaten a burrito there once.

Our first day in Cancún we struck out for the beach. We were surprised to find it more or less empty. We walked a kilometer down the beach before learning that all the beaches on this side of Cancún were private - they belonged to the all-inclusive hotels. As this was the height of summer and brutally hot and humid, the resorts were pretty empty and thus the beaches were also.

Nick wanted to go on at least one tour while we were in Cancún, and I chose swimming with the dolphins. This was our first dip into the world of all-inclusion. We took a boat out to Isla Mujeres, where we were part of the morning group who went into a large dolphin pool and hung out with a dolphin.

After play time with the dolphin, we retired to the human pool, which was of course all-inclusive. Meaning we had access to unlimited weak beer, weak cocktails, and buffet food. We immediately began ordering micheladas (for me), mixed drinks (for Nick), and beer (for both of us), two at a time.

Throughout the day we struck up conversations with various people in bathing suits that came and went from the pool chairs next to us. I only have vague memories of these interactions. I remember a woman telling me she was married and brushing that information away as a minor detail, then later meeting her husband and talking to him about tech or some crap.

Four hours and twenty drinks later, we were informed that the boat to Isla Mujeres downtown was leaving. We could visit the town center and shop. Or we could stay in the all-inclusive pool and order more free drinks. We decided to stay.

Later, back at the hostel, I was searching on the internet for a poker game in Cancún. Nick and I have been playing poker drunk together for over a decade. The closest I could find was a hotel that had definitely hosted poker tournaments a year and a half earlier. I wasn't sure if they still did. But we decided to stumble over there anyway.

Probably it was the wrong hotel. There are a couple Hotel Rius in Cancún. This one for sure had no casino. But it did have a hotel bar. Which will do in a pinch.

So we saddled up to the hotel bar and started ordering drinks. The bartender loved us and kept pushing more shots on us. The hotel was mostly empty except for a giant black woman to our right and a group of super drunk young Brits sitting at tables and dragging each other around the lobby. The giant black woman wouldn't talk to us.

We were beyond drunk by this point and wanted our check, but when we asked for it the bartender just laughed and tried to make us more drinks. Finally my concern over our bar tab got the best of me and I demanded the check. What room are you in? You're not guests of the hotel? Turns out not all hotel bars are open to the public.

Our night ended with the bartender discretely shooing us out of the hotel. I left him a big tip. I figured it was nice of him to not charge us anything and also not call the police or what have you. We left in high spirits. All-inclusive, baby!