The Australian Open

I was rooting for Serena, because (1) I've been watching her play tennis my entire adult life and (2) she has made tennis way more fun like (3) remember when she caused a shitstorm because the U.S. Open wouldn't let her wear a catsuit? The tennis dress codes for women were always bullshit and she wore a catsuit today so good on her.

But I'm becoming moreso a fan of Naomi Osaka because (1) she plays and crushes exactly like Serena but with no emotion though (2) when she's not on the court her P.R. strategy seems to be complete honesty and vulnerability and (3) I liked her post-match interview where she said she'd keep eating Greek food as a superstition because Tsitsipas beat Nadal.

I've always rooted against Nadal. I know he's (1) an absolute legend and (2) good looking and (3) was once featured on a Polker Hands episode where Doug Polk was making jokes about how all of Nadal's poker plays were correct. He's a gorgeous phenomenal tennis player who's great at everything and I guess has no flaws. So I pretty much hate him. Go Tsitsipas!